you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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