He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
