I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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