It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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