I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
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malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
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Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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