We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
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We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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