is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize