I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
