Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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