grandma shit on top of the toilet
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Alive.
So much puke
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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