you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
