Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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