come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
