I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Holy sore nipples Batman
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
