Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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