remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
