So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
