Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
