dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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