If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
