for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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