I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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