I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
