hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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