just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
