p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
