Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
