so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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