Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
