Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
