so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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