that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
