I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
