I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a blender
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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