i used baking grease as lip gloss
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
