just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
