well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize