JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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