He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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