I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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