I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
