My nipple is on Facebook.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
