just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
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