The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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