At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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