Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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