I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
