hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
