me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
They have beer where we have blood.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
