I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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