How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
