I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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