He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
