you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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