we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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