i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
