I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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