I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
