Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
