Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
