I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
