Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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