I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
