rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
