could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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