i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
