Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
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It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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