Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
