So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
