She said her name was "party"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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