Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
