It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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