I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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