hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
